15 Jul a story of love ~ my 6 energy epiphany.
My true love affair with myself started in 2013. I realized this was a love story of mine just now actually, Valentine’s night at 11:36 pm 2019; with the epiphany that I couldn’t actually remember several of the details of my love life before July 2013. It seemed like many things I went through before that were a blur with bits and pieces more clear than others or maybe it was because it was easier for me to block out pain and what I thought was the truest love I had ever experienced from another, or maybe it was Osun wiping the slate clean so that I could focus on the new journey I was headed on; so that I could allow her to heal me, so that I could allow the Orisha that I had initiated to less than a year before to do what I was born for her to do.
2013 was my 15/6 personal year in numerology and equally the 6 universal year for the world. It was the year I was convinced I would get married – because the number 6 is all about love, right? It’s all about home and family, babies and all that great mushy stuff. Stuff that I live for even this day. I had no idea at the time that my year of love was about me only and it has taken me almost 5 years to realize that my 6 personal year was about reuniting me with myself.
2013 was the year I felt like I died only to re-emerge with a fear and understanding that I needed help. I needed somewhere I could lay my head where I would not feel judged because that was the year I lost my home and a breakup that I never saw coming. I needed people to love on me fiercely and gently – and I found that and those people I will always be grateful for.
I needed to equally begin to face my own demons that helped contribute to the demise of the love I thought I would have forever in a partner, and I had to deal my past well before 2013 and my pattern of unhealthy relationships as well as deal with my mirror image. I had to address what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I can remember how I felt when I saw what the new woman looked like. She looked nothing like me and the fact that she wasn’t African American took me on another journey of what beauty meant to me. I had to face that. It was like someone had a mirror in front of me 24/7 reminding me over and over and over again that not only was my idea of beauty warped, but I had to see myself for the first time.
I remember thinking, FUCK this 15/6 personal year. If this is what love is, I don’t want it.
I had to go into the trenches of myself and there was no easy route through it. Trust I was constantly looking for shortcuts. Many days felt like I was in quick sand like Jaguar Paw in the movie Apocalypto. Sometimes I would stare in the mirror for hours hoping for some sign of relief. I was in a labyrinth of Nichole and I remember recording myself talking to myself about how this was one sick joke and I was NOT coming back to Earth next time around, on God!
The relief did come though. It got easier. Looking in the mirror got easier. Learning that I could actually take care of myself was the gift I didn’t know I needed. I had never truly lived on my own until this time. And because I was used to going from relationship to relationship I was like ok I’M HEALED! So I started to date and I was kindly reminded AHT AHT slow down, brown suga, you’re not ready. You’re still on this self-love journey.
I am grateful for the 15/6 year I went through, but it was not easy. I know more now than ever that it was an urgent journey that had to happen.
I had to pull myself into myself. All the fragments of my being had to be carefully placed back together into a new existence and in doing that I had to be more clear about what I deserve, what I require, my fears, what I want, and what will make me happy. I had to get selfish and not jump into a relationship because I was running from myself. I had to have real conversations with myself about the fact that I was not my parent’s sad love story or my mom’s pain. I had to step into my oneness. I am well and I am love. And I know that when I am ready, it will be the most beautiful love story and chapter I was born to experience in the most divine way.
On this 15 day, I send love to everyone going through something tough you have to face. May you receive this reminder that love is your birthright and your journey is just yours. To all of those born on the 6th, 15th, or 24th day or those with life path numbers 6, 15, 24, 33, 42, and 51 know that love, loves you. Always. Be easy on yourself.